sober curious

In the beginning of December I had a night out where I drank too much and felt like complete shit the next day, with so so much anxiety. When I woke up the next morning, something just clicked within me in a way that’s hard to fully describe. I just knew I could not continue going out like this if I wanted to get serious about what I want in life. And what I want in life is centered around wellness/holistic health and yoga and getting my mental and hormonal health on track. It’s to show up as my best self for myself and my loved ones and to help others who are going through similar situations.

I’ve never been one who had an alcohol problem or who turned to alcohol to not feel my feelings. But I like to party and when I would go out, there were definitely many times I would drink more than I should because it was fun and why not say yes to one more drink if I had nothing planned the next day… But I also always had a real interest in wellness so I would drink and the next morning wake up and drink my celery juice, thinking #balance.

And being single in New York, the dating life revolves around meeting for drinks. A little liquid confidence, as they say. And it was fun trying new bars. Dating without drinking also used to seem boring - it almost seemed necessary when getting to know someone.

But as time went on and as I started doing more of the things that make me feel so good within, like time in the sauna and steam room, cold plunges, hot yoga, my spiritual practices, etc.. I started to realize more and more what it was that wasn’t making me feel my best. And alcohol was one of the major things. I used to go in phases before with a week or a month at a time to detox and would feel so good only to go out and party the following weekend and ruin the detox completely.

But after that evening in December and realizing the impact alcohol has on my mental and hormonal health, I started to slowly phase out alcohol. I had one shot on Christmas Eve with my mom (Swedish tradition I couldn’t say no to) and that was the last drink I had. No waking up groggy after a night out, no hangover anxiety, and it’s made me be fully present in my interactions. It’s also helped my skin and hormonal fluctuations.

And with dating, the right guy who is meant for me will not be someone who I need alcohol while getting to know. It’s someone who meets me exactly where I am right now on my health journey and if he doesn't, he’s not the one for me.

I don’t know yet if this is a forever thing or just right now in this chapter of my life but there has been no part of me since making this decision that has wanted a drink. As each day passes and as I lean more into mocktails when I go out, it’s been exactly what I needed in life. It took me a while to get to this point since before I always thought balance is key but when we realize something is impacting our health and making us a version of ourselves we’re not proud of, sometimes cutting something out is the only way. And cutting alcohol out was the only way for me to really get centered and feel good without the rollercoaster of emotions.

And now, time to head to the sauna!

Namaste