33 and single
Last week I went to listen to a talk by a dating coach and someone who I look up to so so much, Jillian Turecki. And it was one of those talks that was exactly what I needed, in that exact moment, more than I knew. It really made me reflect and it was a reminder that so many of us are going through the same things in the dating world. Love bombing, situationships, “the exclusive talk”, “if he wanted to he would”, guys not wanting to commit, boundaries, etc.. We all know the language around dating today.
As someone who is about to turn 34, very single and living a life that younger me would have dreamed about, I naturally have those days where I wish more than anything to meet my future partner in life. It’s truly a rollercoaster of emotions- some days loving my independence more than anything and other days feeling so “behind” in life.
One thing I have promised myself though is that I will not settle until it feels truly right with someone. If love has taught me anything it’s that another person can’t complete you and you need a partner who is there for you, especially through the challenging times in life. You have to be happy on your own first, you have to be able to spend time alone and just get to know yourself. If you don’t even know what you’re looking for or if you don’t know what you will and won’t put up with, you can easily end up in toxic cycles (trust me, been there).
But as I’ve gotten older and spent time in and out of love, spent time alone in New York and traveling, I now know more clearly than ever what I’m looking for. Those past relationships and situationships were needed for me to get to where I am today.
I know that, especially in NYC, dating is a whole different world. There are so many options, a lot of people don’t want to commit, and guys sure know how to charm you in the beginning (but just wait until the 3 month mark, that’s when you know if it’s real or not). And a lot of dating here involves drinking which I thought used to be so fun (and it was) until I realized it took a while until I actually got to know the guy on a deeper level.
So, 2025 has been different for me. I’ve been more intentional with my time. I haven’t been drinking which has helped to connect with others in a more authentic way right away (I was honestly nervous about it at first with dating..). I don’t put up with bullshit. If a guy is taking away my peace or making me anxious, I’m out. The amount of times my younger self would question why a guy wouldn’t text me back for days or make me question if I did something wrong. Life is too short for that. And if a guy is making me that anxious, that’s most definitely not my future guy. I need my calm.
So for now, while keeping my heart open (even though it’s not always easy), I’m continuing to live my life and remembering that everyone is on their own path in this life. And how important it is to focus on your passions and calling in life and the right person will fit into my life when the time is right. Focusing on what fills me up on the daily while surrounding myself with family and the most amazing girlfriends. Teaching all the yoga and taking solo trips in between to reconnect with myself. Those are the things that make my soul happy today, in this chapter I’m in.
And as Jillian Turecki reminds us all in her book “It’s hard to love ourselves if we’re not being ourselves”. The most important thing is to be yourself because It Always Begins With You.
Namaste